Burnout Dating, when should you know when to stop?
Everyone knows the definition of professional burn-out, but few people know that this term also exists in the field of dating. scale in the face of the growing use of dating apps?
Who hasn't experienced this situation before? The first match ghosts us, the second on the list stops talking to us overnight without giving us a reason, the third is a fake profile like there are many but still gets through our selection filter , the fourth bombards us with questions and messages but without accepting or even proposing an appointment in order to concretize … 🥶
In the digital age and in particular Tinder, reinforced by the Covid-19 pandemic, digital correspondence on dating applications is dragging on. In a world where everything must go quickly, it sometimes takes a long time to meet the right person, with whom a feeling will settle and give way to a long-awaited relationship.
In 2021, there were close to 10 million users for the Tinder application, at the same time exceeding other alternatives such as Bumble or Hinge.
It has become difficult to find the rare pearl as the choice of profiles is vast. Many people will thus try to multiply their luck by registering in multiple places in order to swipe again and again until they find the right profile.
However, going through dozens or hundreds of profiles of singles close to us can be a dangerous game that can lead to what is called dating burnout (or burnout dating). This term, frequently used in the Anglo-Saxon media, quite simply designates the psychological exhaustion of a person on dating applications, or more generally in romantic encounters. The effects of a dating burn-out are exhaustion, weariness and even despair when it comes to meeting the right people. It can also trigger low self-esteem and a sudden loss of self-confidence.
Dating apps as we know them today have a well-honed system and algorithms to trigger a certain addiction. Have you ever caught yourself waking up in the morning and going straight to check your notifications to see if you haven't had a match or message on Tinder overnight?
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You say to yourself then, we are here on a site giving advice for success on dating apps, why advise us against using them? Our goal is not to get you to use Tinder or its competitors addictively, but to find the people who match you quickly in order to leave these platforms. This will save you money 💰, but also time that can be used for something else.
But to come back to the main subject, many specialists agree that apps are not necessarily good for our mental health. Indeed, just like social networks, the addiction generated will make you want more, meet more people, and never be satisfied with the encounters you can make. This may even lead you to miss this rare pearl that you are looking for so much!
Worse than that, according to love life coach Sandy Kaufmann, the way Hinge & co works can lead us to pay more attention to negative messages. The feeling of rejection is inevitable and increased tenfold.
The codes of these applications are totally different from what can be found in real life. In a bar, for example, we will be more concentrated and focused on the eyes that are on us, but on online platforms, it's the opposite, our mind will automatically focus on profiles that ignore us or stop answering us. It’s perfect for destroying our ego!
Remember that the very basis of such an application is to meet as you wish. But this dating term can be totally different for the person in front of you. Not everyone is necessarily looking to meet great love. This may not be your case. Some people use these kinds of apps for the simple purpose of flirting, to inflate their ego, or simply to pass the time, out of boredom. Set your own limits and respect yourself. If you don't have the same expectations with one of your crushes, don't lie to yourself. This could lead to some kind of deep suffering. The purpose of meeting a new person is to experience a new relationship, filled with desires, discovery and joy, not to suffer even more. Don't waste time just because you feel like you have no choice or hope your crush will change their mind along the way.
Despite all our good intentions, it sometimes happens that our exchanges can last several weeks or even several months with our crushes, it can become tiring after a while. And this phenomenon can be explained, by many different factors: self-esteem, insofar as we are afraid that the other person will be disappointed by actually seeing us and can cause us to delay this famous date.
You should know that some studies have been conducted to find out after how long it was good to meet one of our crushes, the average duration of an exchange is from a few days to 2 or 3 weeks maximum . After this time, your crush or yourself may get tired, or have a very bad experience if the person you have so idealized does not quite correspond to the imaginary image that your mind may have made of it. . Thus, we advise you to meet after a few days, of course depending on the feeling. ⚠️ Important**, get to know the person well before you start a date! This will save you disappointment but also unpleasant surprises that can be dangerous, dating applications do not only bring together good people. We advise you to read these small warnings with some statistics. Do not be afraid, but only aware of the risks that meetings can have. [https://datingranking.net/fr/les-dangers-des-dating-en-ligne-7-statistiques-5-ways-de-se-protect-2/](https://datingranking.net/fr /the-dangers-of-online-dating-7-statistics-5-ways-to-protect-yourself-2/)
Now, in order to better manage a potential burn-out dating, it is important to see things differently. So instead of seeing Tinder as a catalog of products to choose our next real relationship, we should rather see it as a tool to embellish your reality. It should not replace it. Assume that any meeting, even if it does not lead to your final goal can create a friendship or allow you to extend your social circle, and even sometimes professionally. So don't stay on a failure when it's not love at first sight.
It is not a fatality. Burn-out dating happens to everyone. But it may not come to that.
Going through phases is completely normal when using Happn or Tinder. Sometimes we will have a lot of matches, sometimes nothing at all for months. Sometimes we want to connect every hour and sometimes not open the applications for several days, it's completely normal and no one should put pressure on you. But it is important to keep in mind that you are what must be preserved, your mental health above all. So, do not stay locked in these virtual platforms, enjoy life, go out with your friends, play sports, cultural outings and during these times, do not connect to these applications. Take time for yourself. Like we said, apps like Tinder should be a plus in your life, you don't have to live for them.
If, however, you can't pick up the phone, you feel frustrated reading the private messages or profiles offered, your dates are not conclusive, it may be time to pick up a little bit. Taking a break will allow you to refocus on yourself and on what you really want. Recharge your batteries, regain your self-confidence. Take advantage of this time to prepare your dating profile for when you come back to it, and maybe you won't even need to come back to it, because you will have focused your attention on the looks you are getting in a bar. 😉
Become aware of your wounds, it's the best way to understand a burn-out dating, blowing is not inevitable, it's a necessity for your well-being and to leave as a better version of you . You will have much more energy ⚡️ to meet the person you want. And don't forget, failures are part of life, there are no successes without failures, so take note of our advice and a big breath of fresh air and tell yourself that nothing is lost, everything is to be done to succeed!